This just in from my sister, posted here with her permission.
A sermon by Ella Rue Eyet
Califon United Methodist Church, New year's Eve service
Sunday, December 31, 2006
Some excerpts from the book "A Short Course on Kindness" by Margot Silk Forrest with some thoughts of my own.
On my fathers' grave marker there is a quote from the author Kurt Vonnegut. It says: "We are here to help each other get through this thing -- whatever it is." For those of you who don't know, my dad died October 24, 1993. He was walking on a walk-a-thon that he organized when he died. My father was the founder of the Wayne County, PA Habitat for Humanity chapter. The funds raised from this walk was to help with costs for the house they were building. It was also to help his local church, and another organization called Interfaith Outreach United. My dad was practicing what he preached, walking the proverbially walk. But he was also a long time sufferer of asthma, which ultimately overcame him. My family found comfort in the fact that he died doing what he believed was the most important thing in life, helping others. He was only 59 years old when he died, but his life was full and rich. He touched many people, and nothing was clearer evidence of this than seeing the church where his memorial service was held. The church, about this size, was filled to capacity. People were standing in the aisles, standing behind the back pews, standing outside on the steps at the open door, all there to pay their respects to my family and recall my father's life. Many spoke of how he had helped them. They recalled his many acts of kindnesses. Joan Baez said: "You don't get to choose how you're gong to die. Or when. You can only decide how you're going to live."
Nothing teaches us about the importance of kindness as the LACK of it. Unkindness - “ or the numbing lack of kindness - seems to reach into the very depth of our souls when it occurs. We have all felt its icy touch: Someone shoves their cart ahead of ours at the checkout line, driver after driver stares past us or accelerates when we try to merge into traffic, or the young woman at the Returns counter interrupts our explanation of how the lamp gave our son an electric shock when he -” "whateverrr..." she hisses under her breath, as she turns back to her monitor and punches the keys that will get us out of her face.
We all have stories like this - or worse. Their effect is not negligible. We carry them inside us for years. Someone has reached out and touched us - and it didn't feel good. True, the whole event may have only taken four seconds, but even a single drop of red will tint a can of white paint.
We are not immune to each other. We were made to live in community. We ARE affected by the words and actions of others. When we encounter unkindness, we are diminished — no matter how strong, self-sufficient, and independent we may be.
But the Good News is it works both ways. Just as we remember for years, one act of UNkindness, so too will we remember a single act of kindness: One year, when I was much younger than I am today, with only a couple of years of driving experience. I was driving up to the Poconos to be with my family for Thanksgiving. The weather was snowy and icy, and I drove a rear wheel drive car, and had a great deal of difficulty keeping my car on my side of the road. Between my driving inexperience, and the dangerous road conditions, I became paralyzed with fear. I pulled over to the side of the road unsure of what to do. Almost immediately, a van filled with young men stopped and asked me if I needed a ride, but I was not about to get into a van filled with strange men, so I thanked them for their offer and politely declined. They told me that they understood my reservations and told me that if I waited just a couple minutes a snow plow would be coming, and maybe the snow plower could be of assistance to me. I had little choice but to wait, and as promised within minutes I saw the yellow flashing lights growing larger as they approached me. The driver was about my father's age. After seeing my predicament he said to me: "Drive your car behind me. I'll plow, and sand the road, making it easier for you to drive. I will lead you to the High Point Maintenance Facility, at which point you can call a family member to come get you" I felt safe and did as he suggested. We got to High Point and I called my parents.
Unfortunately they were not home. My oldest brother Tom was there though. He said he would try to come, but he called back within a few minutes and said his truck was fishtailing all over the road. I didn't know what to do. My fears were probably apparent to the snow plow driver. He said "I'll tell you what... I'll take you down the road to the local Holiday Inn. Do you have enough money? If not, I'll pay for you." I assured him I did have enough money, despite that I really wasn't certain how much cash I had on me at that moment. He then told me he would be back the following morning at seven to bring me back to my car. When I got to the hotel I realized I did in fact have enough money for the hotel and just enough extra to buy something from the vending machine. The next morning, as promised, he showed up and brought me back to my car. The weather was much better, and the driving conditions greatly improved since than the night before. When I got to my parents house later that morning, my father insisted on calling to thank the man for the kindness he showed me. The man's response was: "I have a daughter about your daughter's age. If she were in a similar situation, I would hope someone would help her out."
Maybe it was my youth and sheer naivete, maybe it was his demeanor, or maybe I felt as if I had little choice but to trust his intentions as being kind, but for some reason, I felt safe with this man.... How do we make it past our fears so we can act kindly and so that we can receive kindnesses without fear? We start by acknowledging that these fears do exist. We all have them, and we can only disarm them if we admit they're there. As Mark Twain reminded us: "Courage isn't the absence of fear, it's just not letting fear stop us."
By definition, kindness involves two parties: one who needs kindness, and one who is willing to give it. For most of us, receiving kindness doesn't come easy. The Bible teaches us it is better to give than to receive. I believe it's actually EASIER to give than to receive. I have had the blessing of being the liaison between our church and the Hafke family. I cannot tell you how many times Mike and/or Irene have commented about how uncomfortable they feel accepting the many kindnesses our local communities have bestowed upon them. The Hafkes, like most of the families in our own congregation, are good, kind people who are much more comfortable giving than receiving. The only way I can explain to them is that it makes us FEEL GOOD to know that we are helping them, in whatever manner we have been blessed to do so. One of my hopes as a mother is to teach my children to WANT to help others, IF they can, WHENEVER they can, AS MUCH as they can. What they will receive in doing so far outweighs the time and effort it will take.
Have you ever had a conversation that went something like this:
"Let me treat you to dinner tonight."
"Oh no. You don't have to do that."
"It really WOULD be my pleasure."
"Still.... really, that's okay. I can pay for myself."
Does this sound familiar? Receiving can feel uncomfortable, even under the best of circumstances. But what if we are being offered money or clothing or food because we are poor, or not warmly dressed, or hungry? What if we have been diagnosed with a life threatening illness? Someone looked at us and saw how vulnerable we were. How hard it must be to receive help from people who appear to be INvulnerable, people who may have a little extra cash, who are warmly dressed, well-fed, and healthy. We seem to think we aren't worthy of another person's kindness. And if we get talked into accepting someone's gift, we think we have to repay them. But, in reality, the true gift of kindness is two-fold. It helps the person receiving it, while it also empowers the person who is being kind. Understanding kindness means accepting our own personal power. I read a quote recently by Robert J. Furey, author of The Joy of Kindness: "If you see your place in this universe... really SEE it, you will not be struck by your insignificance. Rather, you will be awed by your power to build and contribute." Kindness has the capacity to turn the powerless into the empowered. When we help someone we feel powerful... not powerful as in wielding power. More so powerful as in influential, capable, effective, energetic and competent. Not power OVER, rather power WITHIN. Committing acts of kindnesses shows us the power that we have - over ourselves and our choices, and over whether this world is a cruel or wondrous place to live. I think kindness - and personal power - is all about choice. We choose whether to feel empathy for others, or to allow anger, denial, or depression to block our capacity for caring. We choose whether to stop and be kind when the opportunity arises. We choose to do what's right despite what others may think or what our own small fears may be. We choose to implement our decisions to be kind by taking action. Never underestimate the power that comes with simply having a choice, nor the personal power once we have decided what our choice will be. Accepting kindness is as important as being kind. It's related to keeping our gifts alive by passing them on to others. If someone gives us a gift, it's important that we receive it with gratitude, not respond with; " Oh no, you mustn't..." How can we expect others to receive our kindness if we refuse to accept theirs?
I believe that we - individually and collectively -” have huge untapped reserves of kindness. What we need is the motivation to draw upon them more often. Kindness, like fear, apathy, selfishness and the chicken pox - is contagious. The only difference is, it's contagious in a good way, much like a smile or laughter. Have you ever heard someone laugh so hard, and so loud and you didn't know what they were laughing at? Within moments you might be laughing too... or at the very least, you're smiling. As we enter the beginning of a New Year I encourage each of us to CATCH the SPIRIT of kindness, and offer something small... a smile, allowing another driver to merge, or a kind word or deed when we see another is in need. What we are is God's gift to us. What we become is our gift to God.
Remember, we are all here to help each other get through this thing - whatever it is.
Amen.
