Remarks to theUPPER DELAWARE UNITARIAN UNIVERSALIST FELLOWSHIP
On Mormonism
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In retrospect, I believe this sudden reversals in my parents' child-rearing methods that led me to seek stability in my life, including spiritual stability. At the age of 14, after investigating a variety of belief systems, I chose to be baptized into The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (the Mormons). This came about after I acquired a Book of Mormon from my paternal grandfather, who once owned a used bookstore. My grandfather was a Protestant who planned to be a Christian minister, until he lost his hearing and dropped out of seminary.
After some reading, I wrote to Salt Lake City for more information, which I received, followed by two missionaries on the doorstep a few weeks later.
I became extremely involved in the church, directing focused energy into its study and activities. Over coming years, I attended church "seminary" classes and busied myself with church functions. Nearly all my associations were with church members. To distinguish myself from "gentile" classmates, I dressed very conservatively; usually with a button-down short and the top button up, earning myself the nickname "Top Button Tom". Since I carried my scripture books with me to class for study during extra minutes or study halls, I was derided repeatedly as "Priest" and "Moron".
I found satisfaction in editing a mimeographed newsletter for my local ward, as well as using offset presses at school to publish a monthly publication called the Seminary Star Bulletin. All of my personal interests an activities revolved, in some way or other, around Mormonism.
One project I undertook involved writing to leaders of about two dozen churches which had broken away from Mormonism, corresponding on historical and doctrinal issues. Eventually, hoping the material would be preserved, I placed my books and letters in the care of Chad Flake, then the curator of the Special Collections Department at the Harold B. Lee Library, Brigham Young University, as a donation to the library. Mr. Flake told me at the time that there was a sufficient quality and quantity of material in my donation to form the basis of a Masters thesis in church history and doctrine. He was probably right. [NOTE, Mar. 1999: I was recently interested to discover that "1 folder (1 linear inch)" of my correspondence, dated 1975-1976, is listed in the card catalog of the Lee Library. -TSR]
Ironically perhaps, or perhaps not surprisingly, this early correspondence probably planted the first "seeds of doubt" in my mind about the divine nature of the church, leading me to consider other perspectives of church history and doctrine than the one put forth by the main body thereof.
I attended B.Y.U. for two years, including six months enrolled in an extension program in Israel. My majors were religion and genealogy. I focused on matters related to metaphysics. At 17, at the beginning of my freshman year of college, I made the following somewhat obtuse entry in my journal. Although it is lengthy, I will read it because it reflects my deepest understanding of Mormon doctrine or metaphysics at the time that I wrote it, and its meaning seemed at the time to have been profound:
"Space is the absence of substance; where there is no substance, there is the potential for the organization of matter. Therefore, where matter is not, is space for an eternity of creations infinitely minute.
"There is no limit to how small a particle of matter can be. The spirit does not occupy the same space as the body: the parts of its composition are finer than the course mesh which we call flesh. From this we see that there must be space between particles of spirit as well as the courser natural particles. So, there is no limit to how "small" something can be. There is no limit to how many "smaller" organizations can exist between two others, regardless of how close they are - hence eternity has both depth and breadth: the former referring to all points beyond the outermost extension of organized matter, and the latter to the "inner" relationship of one object to another, for example, one atom to another.
"By the same token, with regard to the breadth of eternity, there is no limit to how large an object (i.e. collection of smaller particles, whether spirit or carnal) can be and still have other "creations" within its boundaries.
"If a man will unite himself with God in purpose, thought, and deed, he will be one with the Governing Force of the Universe of all the eternities. He will have power to do any righteous thing, but should he attempt otherwise would destroy that unity within himself and his efforts would be vain.
"All things are material. Ideas are of substance: Hope is of substance: Love, Virtue and Faith are of substance - 'Faith is the SUBSTANCE of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.' (Heb. 11:1). An immaterial can not have effect upon a material. Nothing can not effect something. Space can not change matter. Yet Love, Virtue, and above all, Faith, do effect matter. By them and their power have the gods organized all entities that do exist, and by them do all things alive llve. Without Faith we are spiritually dead, being cut off from God and that Union of Purpose which is Zion. (See Pearl of Great Price, Moses 7:18.)
"God rules the Universe. His power is transcendent and immanent, including in those places where other matter is not. Power is the effect of the glorious attributes of Deity. Still, though, the Personage of His glory can not be in more than one place at a time, even as the sun sheds forth light energy, or power, yet exists in a defined place. (Though this is not an ideal simile, for even light may be matter.)
"Of the offspring of Elohim there are now other gods eternal beings - co-eternal with Him, which is the ultimate destiny of all His children. For is it not written 'Ye are gods, and all of you are children of the most high' (Psalms 82:6). There is no limit to which a god may succeed. His increase is eternal and he shall progress forever.
"God the Father has Himself progressed in glory, even since the relatively recent formation of this world, as also have all His children (for the sons of Perdition are not of Him, only the seed of Christ). So shall the righteous continue forever while the wicked regress, worlds without end."
This is all pretty much sound consensual Mormon doctrine, although though missionaries will generally concentrate on more basic aspects of their Gospel to nonmembers, commencing with the simple principle that Mormonism is the "one true religion" and all other faiths false imitations of Satan, designed to lead astray the souls of men.
During 1978 and 1979 I served a full-time unpaid mission in Colorado. I would not say I never doubted Mormonism during this time, but I trained myself not to give vent to those doubts. It took me some time before I was able to overcome my reaction formation. It was a tribute to my parents' religious tolerance that they agreed to support me financially through this period (in lieu of further support during the remainder of college or graduate school).
Missionaries work an average of 70 hours a week. Between 7:00 a.m. and 10:30 p.m., Tuesday through Sunday, their time is rigidly structured. Activities are closely monitored by zone leaders, district leaders, and a "companion" who accompanies them virtually everywhere except the bathroom.
Atop of the mission hierarchy is the mission president, who answers to the quorums of executive "general authorities" in Salt Lake City, who in turn purport to speak for God himself in yonder heavens.
The LDS church is structured as a giant business corporation, with a president at the top (also known as a "prophet, seer and revelator"), a board of directors (called the "twelve apostles"), and an array of middle and low-level managers and supervisors. Higher level executives are known as "general authorities" and their official statements are given equal weight by faithful members as the word of God as the Book of Mormon or the Bible.
This hierarchical
structure is known as the Priesthood. In some contexts it is also
called the Order of Enoch. Mormon scripture calls it "the Patriarchal Order." Above
the prophet, it is said, sits Adam (the senior male born
to earth) and Jesus Christ, who reports directly to Elohim, his Eternal Father.
The prophet - presently a man by the name of Ezra Taft
Benson, whom a few here may remember as Secretary of Agriculture
under President Eisenhower, and a past president of the
John Birch Society - is believed to speak face-to-face
with God on a regular basis, and God talks back even as
He spoke to Moses.
In June 1978, I was working in the central office of the Colorado Denver Mission when Mormon prophet Spencer W. Kimball made national headlines with a startling announcement. Sensing historic significance, I wrote in my journal that night:
"At precisely noon according to my watch, Elder Alvis Goolsby, the mission automobile coordinator, answered and was informed by one Bob Stevenson of Salt Lake City, a friend of the mission president: 'Elder, I've got a hot one for you. President Kimball has announced that after much prayer and deliberation in the upper room of the Temple, the Lord has given the instruction to ordain negroes to the priesthood.' "I then telephoned the Denver Post, where the city editor read me a news account which had just come over the wire, and which later ran on page one."
For the rest of the day, the phone in the office was ringing off the hook with missionaries, local church leaders, and non-members calling to inquire if the rumor was correct. Reaction was mixed. Some were relieved and overjoyed that a seemingly racist and unjust policy of discrimination was finally ended. Others had difficulty accepting the 'revelation', citing statements by Brigham Young and other prophets that the descendants of Cain (Africans, according to Mormon teaching) would never be allowed the priesthood until every male descendant of Adam's other sons ever destined to be born onto the earth had the opportunity first."
However, even this measure was not enough to satisfy the more liberal fringe of the church. Sonia Johnson, a Virginia housewife and an active Mormon, was excommunicated during December 1979 as a result of her political support of the proposed Equal Rights Amendment to the U.S. Constitution, which the church patriarchy actively opposed.
In the course of going door-to-door, while I was stationed in Idaho Springs, Colorado, it became common to encounter questions resulting from the national news coverage of Johnson's case. The usual response on the part of missionaries was to either state that the church strongly supported the role of women, or words to that effect, or to resort to the old standby and simply "testify" that the Holy Ghost had born witness to the speaker of the truth of such-and-such.
Johnson's autobiography describes itself as "a fascinating account of a woman's gradual, even unwilling, progression from self-denial to activism...a story of loss and rebirth, despair and fulfillment" (jacket flap). In it, she relates some of the responses she received from church members to her public expressions:
"Most of the Mormon anti letters portrayed what I call the 'Jim Jones syndrome', the idea that Mormons should follow their leaders - since they are prophets of God - no matter what. As one Mormon wrote:
'If you believed he were a prophet in the very same way that Moses, Elijah, Abraham, etc. were prophets, then you could not go against his mandate; even if it were to never buy a Toyota car, wear red shoes on Tuesday, or use Gold Medal flour'. Or drink purpose Kool Aid?" [p. 356]
Sonia caused me to evaluate my Mormon belief system in a different context than I had before, viewing it through her eyes as a woman. However, as she acknowledges in her book, the emotional experience of the Mormon devout is so powerful, explaining why L.D.S. women have never revolted, or left en masse: "their churches and beliefs meant too much to them" [p. 328]. I heard her speak atTrenton State College in 1981. Sitting with a group of local Mormons I knew from when I was in high school, I was the only one of the group to stand and applaud when the rest of the assemblage gave Sonia a standing ovation.
During a term in the U.S. Air Force, subsequent to the mission, my doubts began to crystalize; or I simply reached a certain level of maturity or autonomy as an adult. Permanently stationed at Laughlin A.F.B., I was a member of the elder's quorum at the Del Rio, Texas ward, where I served as a Scoutmaster and ward membership clerk. However, I also had long discussions, on nearly a daily basis with another member who questioned church doctrines (or at least did not take them so seriously the most orthodox devout).
When I finally returned to New Jersey from the service in 1981, I re-enrolled in college but did not return to church. During the time I had distanced myself from its teachings, I had come to realize that I did not believe many of them.
After completing two college degrees, I moved back to Innisfree in November 1985, where I lived until after meeting Carmen a year ago this past August.
In order to create some closure on a chapter of my life, and to resolve dissonance I felt in the discordance between my current beliefs and those of the Mormon organization, on November 15, 1987 I sent a request to the prophet in Salt Lake City that my name be removed from the membership rolls.
Two weeks later I received a letter from a Michael F. Watson, secretary to the First Presidency, informing me my request had ben forwarded to the stake president in Scranton. Brother Watson's letter also counseled: "In view of the eternal consequences of such action, the Brethren urge you to reconsider your request and to prayerfully consider the attached published statement of the First Presidency entitled 'An invitation to come back'."
Six months later, on June 3, 1988, when I still had not
heard from the stake president, I wrote a second letter to
President Benson advising him, effective that date, I
was renouncing my membership. Three days after I mailed my letter,
on June 1, Scranton stake president Walter H. Chudleigh, Jr. wrote
me a letter which
appeared to have been back-dated since it was postmarked
June 6, informing me: "The Scranton Pennsylvania Stake High
Council Court held 15 May 1988 considered your letters to President
Benson and other published articles submitted by you in support
of your request for termination of membership in The Church
of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. The decision of the court
was that your membership in the church should be terminated."
Particularly since the formation of this U.U. Fellowship,
several people have expressed curiosity about my experience
as a Mormon.
I was officially a Latter-day Saint for 14 years, although I practiced for only half that. My departure from the faith was not dramatic. It involved little more than a normal process of growing beyond adolescent needs for a rigid authority and external morality.
Prior to my teen years, I attended whatever church was closest, by myself: the First Baptist Church of New Market in Piscataway, New Jersey, and later the Watchung Congregational Church in Montclair. Before joining the L.D.S. church, I attended the Unitarian Church of Princeton for a while, including L.R.Y. youth meetings. Through reading and correspondence, I explored witchcraft and Pagan mythology, as well as a variety of other traditional religious paths, but rejected them all and chose Mormon baptism.
We can not change our pasts, but hopefully we can learn from them. May we walk the roads which we choose for as long as Light remains, and no longer.
Thank you for inviting me to speak.
