| The following column appeared in The River Reporter on October 22, 1998. |
as country collapses while cohorts chivvy Clinton’s cohabitations
By Bert S. Feldman
The Recusant Reporter
Thursday, October 22, 1998
There are times, fortunately on very rare occasions, when I am ashamed to admit being an American. Such a time is currently upon us. The Congress of these, our beloved United States of America, acts as if they are an unruly kindergarten class in need of a hickory stick.
As Walter Scott aptly put it, "Oh, what a tangled web we weave, / when first we practice to deceive." And idiocy has bred more of the same, much more.
As to the president’s peccadilloes, they cannot be condoned at all. However, a study of American history (and I’m sure European as well) reveals that when a man achieves power, the ultimate power that this country can offer, there will be a woman who cannot resist his blandishments. And when a woman finally makes it to the White House, I’m sure the same thing will occur.
George Washington, he who could not lie, chased Nancy Fairfax all over Virginia. Thomas Jefferson had a black slave mistress. Grover Cleveland fathered an illegitimate child. And in our own century we had the slimiest of all presidents, Warren G. Harding, who swept in on the newly established women’s votes because he was so handsome. Holder of the title "Worst President," he probably would have been impeached had he not died most mysteriously. Dwight Eisenhower had his driver and aide Kay Summer, Franklin Roosevelt had his own special secretary, John Kennedy went after anything female that breathed, and Lyndon Johnson did alright as well. The only ones I would vouch for would probably be Harry Truman and Jimmy Carter.
Now William Jefferson Clinton has behaved in a reprehensible manner and the righteous members of congress are going to punish him by seeking an impeachment. Let us for a minute look at several of these paragons of virtue. Leading the howling pack of yipping Chihuahuas posing as wolves are a fine pair: Rep. Dan Burton (R-IND), who has fathered a child out of wedlock, and holier-than-thou Rep. Henry Hyde (R-IL), who heads the House Judiciary Committee and who has been implicated in a messy affair with a married woman. There are others in this lynching party who obviously haven’t read the words of Jesus in John 8:7, and are looking around for a bigger stone.
Frankly, while I find Clinton’s behavior reprehensible, I did not vote for him on his testosterone count. The two previous holders of the Oval Office had run up a four-plus trillion-dollar national debt on what even President Bush called "voodoo economics." His and President Reagan’s economics were called trickle-down, the idea that if the rich get richer, something will trickle off the plate for us, the peons. My dog operates on similar methods.
Clinton has balanced the budget, done a lot for education and has generally helped the country along. I wish he had a hobby, like collecting baseball cards, instead of his philandering, but the die has been cast.
Instead of cooperating with the president’s programs that might benefit our country, Congress has its collective eye on the 2001 horizon, when we vote for a new president. "To hell with America" these greedy hypocrites shout, "let’s get ours first!" It’s enough to nauseate a billy goat. "In God we trust" is inscribed on our money. Perhaps we should change it to read: "Politics forever and the devil take the hindmost!"
The only intelligent comment I have read on the slimy mess down in Washington was the following letter to the editor in the October 6 issue of The Times Herald Record. The writer, Yvonne M. Ross of Liberty, has, on occasion, written poetry and prose for us here at The River Reporter. Ross has most graciously given the Recusant Reporter permission to reprint it in his weekly column. Merci Yvonne!
"After the overexposure and disgusting, minute details of our president’s extra-marital sex life, I propose the following, effective year 2000 election campaign:
• Every man aspiring to be president will swear to becoming a eunuch.
• Every female employee of the U.S. government will swear to wear a chastity belt or give up her job.
• All keys will be sent to Supreme Court Justice O’Connor. One of her new duties will be "Chief Justice of the Sex Squad."
• Every female justice of the state court will receive duplicate keys for the employees of their respective state. Should Justice O’Connor be on vacation, someone has to be in charge.
• Every female bathroom attendant of a federal female bathroom will be given a pass key, along with the responsibility of unlocking and locking these chastity belts as the case might be."
