| The following column appeared in The River Reporter on March 22, 1984 and republished on February 25, 1999. |
By Bert S. Feldman
The Recusant Reporter
Well, just in case anyone out there cares, we are back. We have been thrown out of the hospital and told not to come back, an order with which we heartily agree. Two weeks in one of those hospital contraptions called a bed is enough. You know what a hospital bed is, don’t you? It’s a parked taxicab with the meter running. Many thanks to those of you who either sent a card or phoned c/o Bedpan Alley. Meanwhile that whippersnapper of an editor has to be spoken to, and rather harshly at that. Imagine! He had the nerve to call me an "old coot." Now we’ve been called an old fool, an old geezer, an old goat, an old s.o.b., a dirty old man and several other choice names, but never a coot. Well, the poet Tennyson wrote , in his poem "The Brook", "I come from haunts of coot and hern," so maybe the coot is a respectable bird after all. Anyway, we are glad to be back. We feel as if we have been rode hard and put away wet, but this too shall pass.
Quote of the week: Japan’s Minister of Justice, Akira Hatano said "To ask a politician for classic virtue such as honesty and purity is like asking for fish at the vegetable store." And some mighty poor fish at that, Mr. Hatano.
If you are thinking of buying a new car in the immediate future, the 1984 edition of the "Car Book" is now available. This book was first issued by the U.S. Printing Office in 1980, but the Reagan administration decided that it was better if the consumer didn’t know too much. This book tells which are the best and worst cars in each size class, which need repairs most often, cars which rated best in gas economy, those which stood up best in a crash test, and lots more. For example, the Car Book says that the Chevy Corvette is the "most stolen," and the Peugeot 50OTD has the highest repair cost. For your copy of the "Car Book" write the Center for Auto Safety, 1223 Dupont Circle Building, Washington, D.C. 20036. The price is $8.95, which includes postage and handling.
From the Old Philosopher’s notebook: The person who hears on TV and radio all the things that are wrong with him is lucky that he feels as well as he does.
Several people have asked how the date of Easter is determined. In the year 325 the Council of the Christian Churches met in Nicea, in Asia Minor, to draw up the Nicene Creed. At that time it was decided that the commemoration of the Resurrection should be observed on the first Sunday following the first full moon on, or after, the vernal equinox, which is the 21st day of March. Thus Easter can be as early as March 22, or as late as April 25. The reason that the Council chose this date was so that the thousands of pilgrims who came to Jerusalem to celebrate the Resurrection could have a bright moon to travel by.
Nobody asked me but … In our opinion one of the most dangerous attacks on the Constitution of the United States is going on right now in the debate on the proposed amendment to allow prayer in our schools. Throughout history the bloodiest wars have been those between two different religions or two sects of the same religion. In modern history alone we have such blood baths as the mass murder of the French Protestants (the Huguenots) in 1572, the Inquisition in 1492, the Holocaust of 1934-45, and the wars between Hindus and Muslims in India and what is now Pakistan. Today the fighting goes on between sects of Moslems in Iran and Iraq, Catholics and Protestants in Ireland and Moslems and Jews elsewhere. All holy books of most major religions say, in one way or another, love thy neighbor as thyself. But when some religious fanatic gets his hand on his neighbor’s windpipe and a thumb in his eye, he is doing so in order to save his soul. A school is a place to educate; religion belongs in the church, mosque or synagogue or wherever, or, most importantly, in the home. Regardless of what you may believe yourself, our schools contain Muslims, Hindus, Jews, Jehovah’s Witnesses, atheists, Moonies and others who believe that their beliefs are the correct ones. Ramming a prayer period down their throats will cut down one of te strongest pillars that supports the American dream of "all men are created equal."
